quorpiest:

dragontatoes:

Warm blooded creature: wow I’m chilly

Warm blooded creature: *vibrates*

Cold blooded creature: wow I’m chilly

Cold blooded creature: goes into a coma

lizardsister:

lizardsister:

lizardsister:

the princess bride is exactly what a dnd campaign would look like as a movie like? the delightfully weird cast of characters with their own quirks, the strange pacing and narrative that still Works, the absolute absurdity of it all, the jumping back and forth between wanting to be serious and it being really funny, hell its even Told like a dnd story through the use of the grandfather being the one telling the story

what a fantastic fucking movie

also like the character backstories are SUCH dnd backgrounds like? “im out for revenge for my father who was killed by a guy with six fingers on one of his hands” “i bumped into a band of pirates and their leader liked me so much he ended up having me take on his title to retire”

that is the Exact shit that people come up with for dnd characters

DM: having narrowly escaped Humperdinck, you find yourselves in the dangerous Fire Swamps

Westley: do I know anything about this area? Any danger?

DM: roll a history check

Westley: 15

DM: you know of rumors of giant rats in the swamps, as well as quick sand

Westley: what do I know about the giant rats?

DM: roll nature

Westley: [nat 1] …… rodents of unusual size? I don’t think they exist

DM: hey what’s your passive perception-

jeffersonxjinkx:

on a deep, spiritual, personal level:

• “I meant to learn about cars, and then I forgot.”
• “I have a girlfriend now myself, which is weird because I’m probably gay based on the way I act and behave.”
• “I could never dress goth, and don’t get me wrong. I’m unhappy, it’s not that.”
• “It is 100% easier not to do things than to do them. And so much fun not to do them! Especially when you were supposed to do them.”
• “Whoa! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!”
• “I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.”
• “I thought I was gonna be murdered my entire childhood!”
• “What is college?” *incoherent babbling*
• “I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like [groans]. You know, life?”
• “When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much.”
  

virgilisaneternalmood:

claroquequiza:

zaiyofics:

the-ghost-of-keith-kogane:

fandangoing:

Okay guys hear me out.

A soulmate AU where you have a black stain where your soulmate is supposed to touch you for the first time and it turns to millions of colors once they do.

Like, so many people with their right palms all black, waiting for that one handshake.

People who have black knuckles who are scared for years that they end up punching their soulmate or something and end up coming home with their knuckles turned all shades of red and blue and purple without them noticing because sometimes your hands just brush together.

Someone having a very visible black palm on their cheek that they try to cover up because people will just know they will be slapped one day.

Just

consider the possibilities.

a handprint on your upper arm that bursts into colors during a fight you’re having with a close friend because you tried to walk away and they grabbed you–you never noticed that you never touched them until right now

twin handprints on your chest because your soulmate happens to be the paramedic who steps in to give you chest compressions that one time you almost died

a handprint on your palm but it’s not upside down like a handshake would be, you’re puzzled until you give someone a high five and the colors appear

someone you just met brushes a leaf off your shirt–RIGHT WHERE YOUR HANDPRINT IS YOU ALWAYS WONDERED WHY IT WAS ON YOUR PEC

I actually love this one a lot

Someone who is born with no mark at all–what a tragedy! But one day, a dear friend offers to braid their hair. They’re not even half done before they gasp and let it drop–their black palms and fingers are afire with color–

–and so is the half-done plait, bright against solid black hair.

OKAY THIS ONE WINS

peraltas-jake:

when you find a new otp:

pyonkotchi:

saying “its okay if you dont fit standards of beauty set up by oppressors” is NOT the same as saying “it’s okay to be ugly” the latter implies that there IS something wrong/ugly about you but its “okay”. the former throws the entire standard away and tells people that it doesn’t matter if an oppressive force labels you as ugly because thats not who you are.

wroxall:

unetrangerquidort:

People who use the word “literally“ for something that can’t be literal is the reason I want man kind to be extinct.

nothings real dude not even grammer we made it up man go outside

hannahscribbles:

thepioden:

awed-frog:

By the way, just in case this helps someone -

COOKING - creativity is okay

BAKING - stick to the recipe (you can usually adjust sugar content to taste, though)

BREAD - wait for the right weather conditions (or engineer them), be one assertive and self-confident motherfucker because dough can feel it if you aren’t, a blood sacrifice probably helps, trust the gods 

PASTRY - your God is dead, the god of gluten and madness is risen, abandon all hope ye who enter here

well that’s fairly accurate

cordeliacarstairs:

Simon Lewis and Maia Roberts should have been endgame. The relationship between Simon and Isabelle felt forced for lacking the easy chemistry that was present in Simon and Maia’s relationship from the beginning. And it was completely out of character for Simon to ‘cheat’ on Maia by seeing Isabelle behind her back when the foundation for his entire character is built on being loyal to a fault. Simon literally pined after Clary for 10+ years without once ever considering another girl even though his feelings were never reciprocated. Additionally, it just doesn’t make narrative sense for Maia to have gotten back together with Jordan after his abusive actions were shown to have severely damaged her ability to trust and form bonds with other men. In this essay I will

mistones:

i just wanna have soft glowy skin, long eyelashes, pink lips, rosy cheeks, lots of cash and no responsibilities